sp

The diabolical mind of a Science Queen.

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random poetry
sp
sciencequeen
Haven't logged in or posted here in a while. Life has been redonk.

I will now present some random free form poetry:

lonely nights
predicated by the
shadows
beneath the sheets that once were
nice
but are no longer
there

longing
for when ignorance was bliss
lost in
illusions
delusions
drowning in confusion
it mattered not for
it stood there like a rock
holding steady
even when my hands were bleeding

gazing upward
into the night sky
i wonder if
you see me looking back
i wonder
if
last night
you found me
i wonder if
right now
you feel me
i wonder how
why
tomorrow never comes
yet today
always
remains

gasping for air
all of a sudden
you
remind me
i'm still here
and
i want you
to drift
away with me
into
ethereal space

dance with me
take me with you
let me
show you
the marvel
we create when we
exist
we exist
to rocket across the sky
we move
so that we don't explode
and then
we do it
again
and
again
Tags: ,

Week 15: final exam week!
sp
sciencequeen
Today begins my "official" final exam week (it's in quotes because I did have a final exam last week, but that was during the last week of classes, so this week is the real start of it).

My first exam is tomorrow at 8:30am, for my Neurological Disorders class. I feel reasonably good about it, as I met with some classmates yesterday to go over it, and they were surprised at my ability to communicate what I knew. And I have fun with it. My friend was struggling to understand what an epitope was. And I said to her:

"Okay, so this virus or bacteria comes along and a macrophage comes along to eat it. The macrophage engulfs the bacteria, and then the macrophage puts on a little hat, to tell his buddies that he was successful in killing the bacteria. (the hat is made of the bacteria, or the hat is what the bacteria was wearing, tell yourself whatever you need to, for it to make sense) The hat is the antigen. But when you look closer, there's a tiny little red feather on the hat. THAT is the epitope! While the T cells come to respond to the antigen, the epitope is what the antibodies get all up in arms about."

I really don't understand immunology that well - I just spent the last 4 weeks with my tutor asking her "Okay so T cells do what again?" So that's the only reason I have any semblance of what's going on, otherwise, I'd be confused as hell, like the rest of my classmates. Immunology was not a required course for this class (and is not even in my department, it's a molecular biology and biochemistry class; the only people that would take that are MBB majors or people intending on med school - and even that class is NOT a requirement for med school entry, just might be good to have).

My second exam is tomorrow at Noon! Yee haw, half an hour break! :P My Anatomy lecture exam. I hope it goes well. I've been studying lots for that too. My tutor yesterday seems to think I've made some great progress with it. I just keep writing shit down over and over again (I only found out last semester that while I can make information look pretty and put down a lot of stuff when I do my notes on my computer, I don't remember it nearly as well as when I write it down - work in the method you're going to be examined in! It's a lot like sport specificity in that regard. Maybe it's a motor learning program. Anyway...)

Wednesday is my Human Growth and Development exam at 3:30pm. I'm not sure how I feel about this one. Our midterms were awful. I have a feeling our finals are going to be scaled, but I'm not going to bank on that by any means. I just can't really study for it til tomorrow after my 2 exams are done.

Saturday is my Psychology of Work exam at 3:30pm. I'm the least worried about this one and the teacher loves me and is a fair marker. After this exam, I plan to drink some tasty tasty craft beers!! Can't get drunk though...need to work the next day.

So today, is ridiculous. I am off to school now to study with classmates and on my own some more for...a while!
My health has been okay...been eating a lot more since I've been stressed (though happy stressed...not worried or sad stressed) but that's better than sleeping 12-14 hours a day. And I just got back my 3-month average blood sugar reading and it's held steady since my last test late November, so I'm ultimately not worried and am riding this out til it's over, which is REALLY SOON! :D :D :D

OH AND IT'S SUNNY FUCK YEAH!!!

Week 14: Day 3
shy, smile
sciencequeen
LAST DAY OF CLASSES COMPLETED!!!! WHAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!

I was so happy, that I told my prof "Thanks for the fun and interesting class. It was the last one forever!!"
and like EVERYONE, he responded "Oh, don't say that!"
and I said "Of my undergrad. Though I don't plan to come back for more. This one took me 10 years as it is!"

It makes me so freaking mad that academia only exists to perpetuate itself. Like I'm some second-class citizen because I'm stopping at the undergraduate level. Why the hell should I go into research? I don't like it, for one. And two, what, do a master's, then a doctorate, then beg for post-docs and then HOPE I get hired as a professor to do research and teach and then get more kids like me into the system? FUCK NO. It doesn't even happen that way for a lot of people. There are so many more students wanting in to master's programs than there are spots, there are more students who want doctorates than there are spots, there are more students who want post-docs than there are spots, and there are waaaaaay more students doing post-docs indefinitely than there are professor vacancies. But what does the university care? You naive little child bought into the system. They don't give a rat's ass if you have a PhD in whatever and are over-qualified for work in the real world, they just want to keep THEIR world alive. It fucking sickens me!!! I don't know if every department is like this, but I have a feeling it is, unless you did a professional degree (Engineering, Nursing, Teaching, etc), but even then, I can't be sure as I wasn't in any of those departments. I will shed no tears of sadness leaving this monolith behind! Only tears of joy that I made it out alive and that I'll be making a contribution to REAL society instead of fake society, the world of academia.

As for the rest of my day, I met up with a classmate to go over material for our Human Growth and Development final exam on Wednesday. She was so horribly unprepared though...hadn't done ANY of the study questions since the midterm, really?? I mean, I slacked off on that too, up until last week because I wanted to have material to discuss with people. You would think making a study date with someone would at least prompt you to pull something out of your ass the night before? She asked me on Wednesday to meet up today...so she had at least 2 days to work on it! GAH! Eventually I was getting so mad that she was wasting my time, I told her "Look I need to leave, as I have two finals which happen before this one." I was holding back from saying "Because you're of no use to me anyway, as you don't have anything to contribute, you useless twat!" Even worse, she's not a Kinesiology major, and hasn't even taken an introductory Physiology class. So the questions she was asking me were too remedial for me to tolerate. She actually asked me what the world "unrelated" meant. REALLY?!!?!! Seriously had to refrain from hitting her!!

Studying Anatomy tonight and tomorrow on my own. Sunday, meeting with my tutor for Anatomy and then heading up to campus to meet with some classmates to discuss our Neurological Disorders final (these are the two exams I have on Tuesday). Thank goodness my other classmates I've worked with before and I know won't be wasting my time. I might learn something! ;)

(I realize this post was ranty, but I'm much happier than the rants would make it seem!) :)

Week 14: Day 2
sp
sciencequeen
Was late for my last Anatomy lecture. That didn't really make a difference, as I was looking over my notes and flash cards for my lab final that followed right after.

I'm not sure how the Anatomy lab final went. The pins in the parts we're supposed to ID are not always obvious, and you can't pick up the rabbits to see what the muscles are in relation to. They try to pin all the excess muscle and skin away so you can see what is being pinned to ID, but sometimes you landmark based on those other structures. That, and everyone else's rabbit looks different. I just spent the whole time doubting myself. I wasn't nervous or stressed, just not super confident. I'm not sure how it went...could have been any direction.

My last Psychology of Work lecture went fine. Some people asked questions and I made some notes. Our lecturer also posted some additional notes on WebCT.
A girl in my class came up to me after to chat about getting together to discuss our Human Growth and Development class. Since that class is online, you only realize people are in that class if you recognize their name. She had found some of my comments and paraphrasing helpful for our last assignment when I posted it to the class discussion board, so she's joining me and my other classmate to discuss it on Friday.

Second last lecture for my Neurological Disorders class began our review, which will be continued in our last lecture on Friday. It went as well as it could; it's hard to digest the material sometimes! I'm going to be reviewing tonight so that I have questions for my tutor tomorrow, and then my prof will have office hours on Monday, the day before our exam to ask any more questions. I'll also be meeting with a classmate then to discuss things further. The more discussion, the better!

Getting excited! SO STOKED!!!11

Week 14: Day 1
dj
sciencequeen
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

I'M SO FREAKING HAPPY!!!!



Today is the first day of my last week of classes FOREVERRRRRR!!!

I can't even believe it!!

I was practically singing when I arrived to class this morning, and I was singing when I got home, and I just want to jump up and down screaming!

I'm spending most of today studying for my Anatomy lab final exam on Wednesday, and am feeling pretty good about it!

Today in my Psychology of Work class, one of my class friends did his presentation (with 2 other group mates) on Motivation in Unionized and Non-Unionized workplaces. They showed clips from a video that made me cry with happiness. The employee who had complained about unsatisfactory working conditions on a factory floor, who actually passed out unconscious from lack of heat control, was given a $10,000 bonus. When she told her boss that her fiance had suffered a stroke the night before, her boss offered her another $10,000 to help with the medical bills. Her boss also gave her and her fiance a one-week paid vacation to Vegas!! WHY?!! Because when there is no union involved, and an employee gets treated poorly, the organization is put under more pressure to retain their employees. When a union is involved, the union takes care of these types of grievances, and as such while the employees *can* be treated better, they are far less motivated in their jobs. The employer also has no reason to improve things beyond what the union stipulates. I hated unions before this class but I hate unions even more now knowing there is research backing up my distaste of them.
(the clip was from a series called "CEO Undercover" or something...apparently, it was a compelling TV show?)

I finished another 2 units of material for my Human Growth and Development class. Now I'm only 2 units behind. :) When I went over the material with my tutor yesterday, she reassured me that things which I could not find answers to in ANY of the course material we were given was not in my head, these questions really did not pertain to anything we had learned. What a shit show has been. It's unfortunate that the material is so poorly designed and that the course supervisor (it's an online course, so we don't have a "prof" per se, just the tutor marker to talk with online) is a fuck wit who examines us on random useless shit that doesn't pertain to the central theme of the course, or any of the unit objectives and study questions. The material is actually pretty interesting! The one saving grace of this course is that we had 4 assignments to do, each worth 10% of our grade. The assignments are marked pretty easily...or I am just rocking the shit out of them. Basically, if I show up to the final, I should pass the course no problem. :P

Other very exciting changes are in progress or on the horizon, and that is also contributing to my SUPER STOKED feelings on life! :D :D :D eeeeeeeeee yay!

Week 13: Day 3
sp
sciencequeen
Thursday went pretty well! I got a lot of Anatomy studying accomplished! I took out the text on reserve at the library and redrew all the nerve, arteries and veins that I needed to know. Some of them exist all together, and some of them change names, because, they're dicks. For example, there's a femoral nerve, a femoral artery, and a femoral vein. Then you hear of a name of a vein called the "small saphenous vein". Where's the small saphenous nerve and artery? OH WAIT, THERE IS NONE. The small saphenous vein runs with the peroneal artery, and the common peroneal nerve. Why is it "common"? Because it splits into the deep peroneal nerve to innervate the anterior compartment of the lower leg, and the superficial peroneal nerve, which only innervates the peroneus longus and the peroneus brevis muscles, in the lateral compartment of the lower leg. WHY IS IT LIKE THIS? WHAT KIND OF LATIN FUCKS HAD TO COME IN AND MAKE THINGS SO INCONSISTENT AND COMPLICATED?!! The stupid thing is that most of the nomenclature follows a system, "lateralis" will always mean "on the lateral side" and "brevis" will always mean "short" and "magnum/magnus" always means "giant". However, when something is below a landmark, it should be said that it is "inferior" to that landmark. Except that when describing muscle origins and insertions, sometimes, things originate from the "lower border of the upper rib". WHAT THE FUCK WHY?!!! I've accepted that I'm not going to change how this game works, and I think I'm going to do okay in this class, but seriously.

Saw my Neurological Disorders tutor on Thursday as well. Turns out my knowledge about immunology and MS are weak, but my knowledge about peripheral neuropathy and Hutington's disease are pretty good. Immunology is a lot of molecular biology, that I'm not so good at. At least I know what to focus my studying energy on!

Went to the Anatomy open lab on Friday to review the rabbit and bones. Our lab final is Wednesday.

Today, I caught up a bit on my Human Growth and Development notes. Managed to finish 2 units. Now I'm only 4 units behind instead of 6. :P
Plan to get another unit or two done tomorrow, and may catch up on my Psychology of Work notes. The way my exams are laid out the week after this one coming up though, I really feel like I should spend all my time studying for Anatomy, Neurological Disorders, and Human Growth and Development, because those exams all come at once. When those are over, I'll have 3 days to review for my Psychology of Work final. I don't think I'll need more time than that, I'm doing well in that class. I'm doing well in my other classes too, but there's more for me to fumble with those other ones. Neurological Disorders final is on the 16th at 8:30am, then my Anatomy lecture final is ALSO on the 16th, at NOON. Yeah! 30 minutes after finishing the first exam! My HG&D final is the 17th at 3:30pm, and my PofW final is the 20th at 3:30pm. Then, I'm going drinking!!!

Week 13: Day 2
sp
sciencequeen
Today has been a fantastic day! We had our last Anatomy lab (yikes!) and our lab final exam is a week from today. Our lecture final exam is the following Tuesday. Turns out our rabbit was preggers when she was killed. We were all mortified to find out that rabbits that are specially bred for undergrad science labs would be permitted to fornicate. I mean, we're not studying their hormonal control, what difference does it make if they were sterilized? Does that make the bunnies sad or something? I don't know.

Handed in my behemoth of a paper for my Neurological Disorders class this afternoon. That paper better blow his fucking mind!! More class presentations today; today was definitely the best day! The topics were rad and most of the students presenting did a fantastic job!

Got marks back for two of my papers today: my Psychology of Work term paper, which I wrote on Participative Ergonomics and how it relates to Motivation and got 85%! and my last Human Growth and Development assignment, which was comparing bone, muscle, and adipose tissue with regard to germ cells and embryonic development and carrying that into when they peak in adolescence, what things impact their growth, etc and got 90%! YEAH!! FUCK YEAH! :D (of course I'll post those papers too, as soon as my FTP server is back up...)

Saw my Anatomy tutor today. I know a lot of the innervations and insertions of muscles but need to seriously review their origins. Tonight, I have to do some study questions that my tutor gave me so that we can go over them tomorrow. Also going to drop in to the open Anatomy lab to start reviewing like a mofo. The second half of the course is way more dense and I don't want to drop the ball now when I'm so close to being done! eeeeeeeeeeeee what the hell! I'm almost a LEGIT scientist!!

Week 13: Day 1
happy smile
sciencequeen
My Neurological Disorders paper was finally finished last night about 10:30pm. We had to email it to our prof before 11:59pm. Yeah really. On Easter Sunday. Even though we need to hand him a hard copy in class on Wednesday. I don't understand why our deadline couldn't have been Wednesday! Blargh!

Oh well, it's done. It was one of the hardest papers in my life to write. The longest, clocking in at 4,200 words, and that's not even including my abstract, references, and personal statement. We had to include a paragraph as to why we chose our topic. The why will not be graded, we will just get a mark for remembering to include it.

I was going to post a link of my paper, but sadly, I could not connect to my FTP server where www.sciencequeen.com lives. It will be up soon. Along with all of my papers this semester. They have been so great! Even though this last paper was the hardest to write, and took a lot out of me (I got a cold), I learned a lot of neat things writing it. I am so happy that I chose classes this semester that had papers; it helps to make our midterms and final exams worth less. One of my friends is taking a similar class which had no papers, and her final exam is worth 50%!! Are you serious?! What the hell is the point of the midterms, if you can blow your entire course on one 3-hour exam at the end? That just sends fear into the hearts of many! It would make far more sense to set the final exam at some arbitrary amount (30-40%) and then change it at the end if students much better on it than their midterms. That was what happened during one of my Physiology classes - my two midterms were 40% but our prof told us if we did really well on our final exam, he would make it worth more so that we'd all pass, especially because it was cumulative. That sends the message to students "all hope is not lost" rather than "better buck up because your entire 15 weeks and $450 are on the line, kid! No fucking up now!"

/endrant Sorry, I have a lot of problems with the education system.

Anyway, so today I made some more flash cards for my Anatomy class. I could have studied more, but I hadn't been active in the past 2 weeks due to this paper writing frenzy I had, and that was a need I could no longer ignore. Went for a 37.5 km bike ride, and it was awesome!

Tonight, I'm doing things for work-type things tomorrow and hopefully cleaning my apartment a bit. Will be studying again tomorrow night.

Shit dawg. 2 more weeks of classes (this week and next), and then my final exams are the week after. Yipes!!! This whole semester has been surreal!!

Week 12: Day 2
sp
sciencequeen
These entries have become less frequent. I am in the thick of paper writing season. One is done and being handed in, and two are due Easter Sunday night. One of those two is currently 80% complete, and the other one is 50% complete. I really enjoy writing papers, though it has been taking longer than expected.

Tonight is my department's year end party. I've never been before, but since it's my last semester, I figure I should go. I'm looking forward to seeing my profs inebriated. :p

So happy it's so sunny these days!!! :D


Posted via m.livejournal.com.


Week 10: Day 3
happy smile
sciencequeen
Well so this week sure got better!

Thursday, I didn't get much done. I worked at my Human Growth and Development assignment (due Sunday at 11:55pm) but somehow, lost way too much time to Facebook. I deactivated my profile today and am not reactivating it until April 20th, after my last final exam is over. I did manage to finish the first draft of this assignment though, to look over with my tutor Sunday evening.

Friday morning was decent; I finally made it into the Anatomy lab to review the labs. My lab mate that I was meeting there was absent however, so I'm not sure if the things I identified were correct or not. It was a good review though.

Friday afternoon was FREAKING AMAZING. We got our Neurological Disorders second midterms back (this was my only course with two midterms), and I got 79%!!! This is an astronomical improvement from my first midterm for the course, which was 53%.

I was so giddy, that I proclaimed excitedly (and loudly), "Maaaaan this is so so good! I wanna get drunk now! eeeeeeeeee!!" Of course, since I was planning to do homework Friday night, all I did was purchase one craft beer and drank it at home. I got an Irish themed red ale, since I'll be missing all the St. Paddy's Day celebrations Saturday night.

It was such a surreal feeling. Neurological Disorders was the only class I was worried about not passing, which would have flunked me out of my degree. It's the only 400-level class I'm taking, and it's a PHYSIOLOGY CLASS ABOUT THE BRAIN. I am not very good at Physiology and the brain, while effin' cool, is a very complicated piece of equipment to try and wrap my brain around (ha!). A wave of excitement and relief washed over me, knowing that now more than ever, I will finish my degree!!! I still can't believe it!!

Friday, I also saw my Neurological Disorders tutor to go over Multiple Sclerosis and Immunology. We only have one lecture left for this course, on Huntington's disease (I'm a little annoyed that he left out Parkinson's disease), and then our class presentations start. My presentation may be this Friday coming up (I'm not sure because our times are assigned alphabetically by the first initial of our last name) and I'm on the cusp. I suppose I should get it completed anyway. We'll see if that happens.

I then finished out writing some flash cards for Anatomy as I met my tutor Saturday morning. Based on our session, it seems like I need to review my cards more and make another Excel spreadsheet linking all the info together. Sad, because I'm so behind in my flash card creation!

Tonight, what's left of me will work on my presentation and my other two papers.

?

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